Hardest part of blogging is to make up the headlines

Merry meet, everyone!

It's the horrible time of the year. NaNoWriMo. And I'm going to complain about it today. So if you don't like complaining, please don't read a few next lines. There's something really weird in this post. And I beg you, please believe me. I'm not lying, I thought at first that I'm hallucinating, but when I think about it... It comes clearer and clearer. It wasn't a dream, hallucination or an imagination. It was as real as I am. Like the people around me.

My story is kind of a horror story, but not like always. This is from the serial killer's point of view. My killer is an actor in New York, he's loved by everyone, though he plays always the murderers. That's part of the explanation why he kills. He tries to get into his character and also he thinks he's god. He sacrifices people to himself. One of key victims is his sister, whom he had driven to mental illness by torturing her. His parents think he's an angel on earth, just like everyone else. Except his italian servant Nelsia, who senses the strangest things and tells to her collegue Waldemar.

But my problem is that I hate Gregory, my main character. He's the most disgusting thing I've ever written, I hate that something like him came from me. He's a nechrophile, serial killer, rich and sick. I just want to throw up, he disgusts me so much. I want to kill him, but also I want to write about a killer who doesn't get caught. I just don't want the killer to be this awful.

I want to write about beautiful things, I want to be kind and loving. I like this world, it's really beautiful, but my mind is so dark I'm afraid of myself. I've been praying a lot lately, not because of my NaNo, but because last friday (8.11.) I saw the most confusing thing.

In Seinäjoki church there were Amazing Grace Conference, where my crush invited me (so I went, of course :'D) and when the band had played their two first songs, the weird feeling struck me. I barely could breathe, it was like the first time I felt God and Goddess, but this was a stranger. First I saw in front of me my friend, who was murdered two months ago. He turned to me and said:
"It's okay. Everything is better now, I'm safe and it doesn't hurt anymore. I'm in a better place, don't feel guilty about anything. We just hadn't chance to meet. I know you cared about me"
Before I could ask, he was gone. I took a shivering breaths and tried to figure things out, when someone touched my elbow. I saw a hand, which belonged to my friend, who died two years ago. I saw him, I felt him and I heard him. He whispered to my ear:
"I know. I know everything. It's time to let go", a few minutes I felt their hands in my hands. I cried and smiled and talked to them.

I didn't ask them, they told me who brought them there. They said it to me and pointed to the big screen above the stage. And there stood a man in leather pants, leather jacket and with boots. He had a long hair and he looked excatly the same we have seen in a paintings of Jesus Christ. My friends whispered to me that Jesus brought them there. I couldn't believe. But he just stood there, stared to my eyes and talked to me. He told me about people over there and about my crush. He showed me the protector of my crush. A golden character, which I've seen many times before. He asked me to tell him about it.And I did what he asked, he's a friend of God and Goddess you know. And all the gods, so I didn't see a reason to say no.

Later I've been thinking, why he chose me. There was hundreds of people, who had given their lives to him. So why choose the only pagan in the building? The only one who doesn't want to turn into christian? Honestly, I'm doubting myself. I'm not crazy, I've been tested and all. I'm so confused, because I know something like this can happen to people, but me? No. In rituals I've had a connection to gods, but none of them have ever talked to me.

That weekend, when I got home, I locked into my rooms. (In the new house I have my own bedroom, livingroom and bathroom) I laid on my bed and rose only to go bathroom. I ate as little as I could. I was so shocked I trembled and cried. The whole weekend. I couldn't listen to music or watch movies, because I was afraid of something. I don't know what, but not because of Jesus. It's been over a week and I still start to cry and tremble when thinking about it.

Goddess and God have helped me, I feel it. I can go to school and act normally, but still I think about what happened at the church. I don't know what to do or who I should talk about this. I want to speak with someone who believes me and can help me. I want to understand why this happened to me. I'm afraid to meditate, because I don't know what I'd do if he came to me again.

Please, don't think I'm lunatic or psycho or gone mad or something like that.

I know I'm not, but I'm afraid.

Someone help me, please.

Merry part.

11.17.2013 Time 1:18:00 am , 0 Comments

Merry meet!

NaNoWriMo started yesterday and I already hate my main character. Seriously, I had barely started the first chapter and he almost wanks to his perversions. Also I wrote only 1502 words, so today's goal is a bit bigger than yesterday's. This wouldn't bother me, if the story would go on without any problems, but all that I've got is problems. Gregory is a serial killer, perverted one, and at the same time he's an actor loved by the whole world. He's method actor, he plays killers and murderers. He never plays police or guy like that. He's a psycho.

I already hate myself because of this subject. I could've taken If God punishes and write it once again, but I wanted to try something else. I don't know, maybe I change somewhere in the middle of the month. :'D Wouldn't be anything new to me. Leevi and Arttu haunt me with their story, it's almost impossible to think anything but their life. Their story is very dear to me, I've been writing their story down about four years, but I'm still in the chapter three. :'D Many things have changed. Their looks are what changed the most a year or two ago. Arttu's hair changed from dark to red, Leevi's yellowed from blonde. Also, Leevi got a fixation to high heels. Yup, my boy main character loves high heels and uses them. His sister is ashamed of him, but his parents know better than that.

But if we leave my writing projects laying in my mind's dust and I'll tell you how is it going in my life at the moment.

It's going very well. We had some Canadians this week and it was awesome, I liked all of them and I feel really sad because I couldn't say goodbye to them. I was at hospital, because we watched Ghostbusters at Wednesday night, and all those lasers don't do good to my epilepsy. I got a seizure after the movie in my parents' car and it lasted longer than five minutes, so I had to go to the hospital and stay overnight. It wasn't good, I hate needles and having myself bound to some machines. It's just the negative side of epilepsy. And of course that I can't drive, it is also sooooo annoying and stuff.

But I've felt better since the seizure. Really. The awful fog around my brain is gone and I can concentrate better. I don't know why, but it's easier to meditate now. Something positive. :D *sigh* Maybe I've got to go back to my NaNo, before Gregory rapes someone.

Merry part,
and Blessed be!

11.02.2013 Time 11:22:00 am , 0 Comments

Ecxitement of Samhain and moving

Tomorrow it's Samhain! I'm so excited I didn't know I could be. We have a costume day at school, and I'm dressed as goddess of the forest.

This is my dress for tomorrow! Is it good enough? I'm sorry for the bad picture, my grandma took it so it's a bit shaky. :'D By the way, an anonymous asked if I could do a post about my quill. I will do it as soon as I have all this moving things over. It may take a while, because the moving will happen with small steps in this November. So it will be out in December, if it's okay? If you want it sooner, I will go and get my quill from my parent's house.

Argh soon it's first of November and then we have NaNoWriMo. I don't even know how my main character kills his victims! I'm writing about an actor, who always plays serial killers and murderers, but as a plot twist, he's a method actor who really kills people like his character. He's a psycho, who has studied criminology at university and has a degree at forensics. So he knows how to not get caught.

Oh, and yesterday I went to bed at 4PM and woke up today at 6AM. :'D I was like 'whoops!' when I woke up... But at school I wasn't tired at all, but some kind of a fog was around my brain. I don't know how to explain it properly, but it is the feeling I have. I know it sounds weird, but my life usually is. Weird, I mean. :'D

10.29.2013 Time 5:18:00 pm , 0 Comments

I'm bad at headlines...

Merry meet my friends! :)

It's been quite long since my last post and so many things have happened. Or going to happen, almost same thing. :'D I'm going to quit my job as a telemarketer because my salary from the last month was 19,65€ and the other months haven't been well paid either. I work almost every day in a week and this month I've had more than three days over seven hours of work. And almost for nothing, because we are paid by how much we sell so... I've had three orders in a four work days and that isn't good. My friend got twenty orders in a day. In a frigging day! I don't have that much in a week. So I'm going to quit, because I don't have energy enough to work and study the same time.

I have a massive writer's block because of it. I'm too tired to create anything else than growling and swears under my breath. I have really bad nightmares and I sleep very much but it isn't deep enough. I had to buy a new pack of my sleeping pills and they cost me 13,65€! Way too much, because normal pain killers can be bought costing only 5€ and my epilepsy meds cost me only 3€ for a half of year. Well, my epilepsy and depression meds together cost as much as those sleeping pills. I just wonder how they are thinking I'm going to be a good taxpayer and worker when I can't sleep?! And when I'm trying to get help for it then it costs me almost my whole salary, so I'm just thinking what is the point here?

13,65€ for 100 pills, and the doctor said I should take two before going to bed. Even with my bad maths I can say that this pack isn't going to last long. So I'm kinda pissed off. I hope you can understand me, my fellow witches. It just annoys me. Also my phone bill was about seventy euros and I decided I'm never going to call again. The only one I'm calling is my grandmom, because she doesn't know how to read texts. And also I decided to lessen this computer using because I use my phone's internet with my computer, and it costs some extra. Making some changes, I can say.

Is there anyone else who is really excited about Samhain? It's my favourite sabbath because of darkness and in so many cultures it's celebrated. Only by name of Halloween, but I don't care. I can think that they're secretly celebrating Samhain, so there's a lot of little witches outside. :) Also it's a bit sad that in Finland kids don't go trick or treating. We do that in Easter, because we have Easter bunnies and witches and that kind of stuff. It's finnish Halloween, but not so dark. And I like the one and only Halloween because in October it's so dark you can see the stars and wonder what they are. (Being an adult sucks. I hate knowing what they are.)

In case someone hasn't noticed yet, I'm not a traditional wicca. I'm eclectic in so many ways that some other witches may call me a wannabe if they're mean enough. I don't make rituals, because I don't have my own apartment and own peace, but I do make some moments feel like rituals. When I'm walking in the woods, I touch trees and pray gods, I sing for the flowers and to the nature. It's one kind of ritual. When I'm at sauna, I salute my ancestors. Sauna is a really important part of finnish lifestyle, has been for centuries. So there I also sing and pray, and it feels like they salute me too. Sauna is also a place for meditating. I love sauna and there I can really find peace and spells made there work the best, I don't know why.

I'm eclectic also by how I see gods. There's wiccan gods and Creator, who made everything. I believe in them, but also Odin and Frigga with their family hold a very dear place in my heart. So scandinavian, norwegian, gods are also my gods. And then there's Aslan. Many are really surprised when I tell them I really believe Aslan and Narnia exists. Aslan also brings seasons to Earth, he works together with Mother Earth. Sounds weird and complicated, I know. Trust me, I've tried to manage things, I've tried to lessen all these gods, but I just can't. They are part of my life and it's not actually my choice. A part of me thinks that it is my choice to choose my gods, but this experience has taught me that it isn't. As long as you seek your gods, it is your choice, but when you find the right ones... Then something just clicks and you notice that they really don't listen to you if you want them to go away. They're there, because they know they can help my soul. It's touching.

I have my Book of Shadows, though it's only a fancy notebook, but when I saw it at the store I knew it had to be my first BoS. I wasn't even looking for a Book of Shadows, I was going to buy a new pencil. I bought the pencil and the notebook. x) Since then, I've collected there a knowledge about candles and rituals and all the things I see important. There's spells I've written by myself and there's spells that I've found. Of course I've always asked for a permission to use them, but so many spells I've found in finnish folklore, Kalevala. Finnish people believed it before the Bible, and sometimes I hope they still believed it. It would be so much easier than these arguments if homosexuality is a sin or not. (Honestly, I think that people are stupid if they think someone like God would hate someone who's gay. Their God loves everybody, so hello! They just aren't listening themselves if they talk about how God created you the way you are and in the same breath tell you that is wrong to love someone who's the same sex as you.)

Actually, I think I should make own post to my opinion of homosexuality and how it is portrayed in all these "religious" people. I'm religious and still not judging anyone! (Except murderers and rapers, but I think that's ok.)

And last, but not the worst, THANK ODIN IT'S FREYA'S DAY!

Merry we part,
and blessed be♥

10.18.2013 Time 5:44:00 pm , 1 Comment

FinAl things

Now we're trying to Skype to Kinoni school in Uganda. Yup, you guessed right, there's Canadians in our lovely Finland. It's awesome to hear perfect english, it's really rare thing here. There are teachers who are good at it, but I absolutely love how naturally it comes from Canadians. Call me crazy if you want, I'm a witch already. ;) So why not a crazy witch? Here you can find a blog of our FinAl program, mostly kept by Finnish guys. Don't worry, it's all in english. :) Here's a little information, written by someone not attached to our project. This might be the Canadian version of our WordPress blog, but I'm not sure if anyone runs it anymore. More about this you cand find from Google, just search with words Finland Alberta programme.

Now it's time for apologies. Sorry I didn't do my Mabon post like I was goig to. I didn't do anything special, just thinking how my path started. I'm not telling it now because it's a long story and I have so little time, but I promise I'm not writing in Samhain. It's one of the most holy sabbaths to me. But something about my Samhain I will tell you on the first of November. If I have enough time, because I'm participating in NaNoWriMo again. I hope I'll win this year. n_n Maybe you'll get a ton of posts in the last week of November, because then I have a vacation with Simo, whole week without work or school♥

Don't get me wrong, I like school and I love education, but working and studying at the same time is way too hard sometimes. I think you guys understand what I'm talking about. So I don't have to explain how frustrated I am at sometimes. Gladly we have this kind of projects in our school. I love the FinAl project and one part of me doesn't want to leave the school at the end of this year. But life goes on, so I have to do so too. Because of this project I've got many new friends and I will keep in touch with them. If it's possible. If they want. :'D

Here's what I think about when someone tries to put me down. It's hard, but easier than getting offended.

10.01.2013 Time 3:15:00 pm , 0 Comments

Woah I wrote a long post! :o

Teijo really likes to bring us down to D002. :'D Maybe he's spying my blog entries?

Okay, now I'm telling a little bit of my day, because I planned to make a post about my Wiccan Rede and this kind of stuff later today. I'm not sure if I manage to do that, because today I'm getting my Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince♥ And yesterday I went to bed like 6PM, I slept over 13 hours. I felt really rested at my maths exam but unfortunately I didn't have a calculator, so I just had to try and use my head. Which is really bad at maths, so. I think I'm getting F from this. :'D

Yesterday I did another maths exam and I think it went quite well. Well, it's fourth time I try to get that course through, so I really hope I got something else than F. Tomorrow, English exam♥ Monday I luckily don't have any exams, but I'm doing my matriculation examination of psychology... I'm a bit excited about that. And nervous. I think I'm going to throw up.

Also, I'm thinking about my fanfics and own projects. If God Punishes has been my number one project for ages (okay, only like four years), so this year I'm trying NaNoWriMo with Actor's work. It tells about an methodic actor, who usually plays murderers and serial killers. So he's a serial killer and also an actor, whose every mother's dream son-in-law.

Quite disturbing idea. The main character's name is kinda stolen from Harry Potter actor Josh Herdman. My main character is named Gregory Herdman. Gregory Goyle + his actor = Gregory Herdman. In the other ways they are not same. Not at all, I'd say. He's really cunning and evil, but Josh Herdman is a very lovely guy. Or I want to think he is. Don't tell me the truth, some things just have to stay just like they are.

I went to Subway today and believe me, I'm not going again anytime soon. It was good but way too filling. Ungh, now I'm feeling odd. And going to throw up. xD

We should be doing some practices, but here I am in the internet and searching new kinds of knowledge about wicca and witchcraft. At least, I'm a very inquisitive person. Not about maths, but about foreign languages, psychology, philosophy and witchcraft. Modern or medieval, don't care. Knowledge is power, but power comes with a great responsibility. I don't think I want to be powerful, I just want to know a lot of things.

I found a page named Witchcraft, which I read a little while and it has a nice outfit, but I'm afraid it isn't really good site to find information. Yes, you can find free spells from there, but that's not how the craft works. You have to do a lot of work before your spells actually start to work. My first spell was a desperate SOS call to gods. I had had really bad headaches and medicines weren't working anymore, so I had to figure out something else. I found a blog from finnish witch (it's in finnish, sorry!), where was a spell to drive away pains. I tried it, it was my last hope, and when it worked, I cried and prayed. I thanked the gods of this page and asked them to bless this witch, who helped me unknowingly. I also promised to be as good person I can, it was the moment when I realized I really was a witch.

That I'm not christian, that I'm wiccan. Proud and kind little witch. :) I started to meditate when I was a 12-year-old kid interested in magick and things like that. I fell in love with the feeling while meditating. Like I was floating in the air or in the ocean, endless silence and peace. It's still one of my favourite things to do and I really am more stressed when I don't have a time to meditate.

You should try it too, meditating is easy and fun! It's great way to give your brains a break between studies or work. I've noticed that my learning increases when I have chances to meditate. Here is a great tips for you to try meditating. Don't worry, the first time is always the hardest. :) Sometimes even I have to work with concentration (I have a running mind which isn't easily rested).

Often, almost always, I use a meditating music. It helps me to get rid of flowing thoughts and relax my muscles. You would be surprised how tense you are when you are laying on your back. I usually meditate laying on my bed, because it's easier to relax yourself than sitting on the floor. Find your own way to do it, YouTube has a great amount of meditating music, just pick your favourite!

This is my favourite music during homework

9.12.2013 Time 12:10:00 pm , 0 Comments

np: Alannah Myles - Black Velvet

At last it's over! :D I spent almost three days trying to find a perfect layout. I have to be honest to you, I almost gave up. I wanted green and something to do with nature, and I found the perfect one, but it didn't work! Now I can sigh with a relief and watch Dancing with the Stars with my grandma. There's one of my favourite Finnish comedians, Sami Hedberg and legendary ice hockey guy Tami Tamminen.

I'm sick, my both ears hurt, I'm coughing like a maniac and my head is full of random shit. I mean, even more random shit and now it isn't only thoughts. My head is like a balloon ready to explode. So now I'm just sitting, writing and thinking what the hell am I going to do with my psychology matriculation examination. I haven't read even closely enough, so I'm going to chill the fuck out and try. It's hard to try not to worry about it when you are like me.

Ungh. Sorry, this post isn't long either, I'm too tired and too... everything. Just listen to Alannah Myles and enjoy the song made about Elvis. (ELVIS IS THE KING♥)

9.08.2013 Time 8:50:00 pm , 0 Comments


Good afternoon, I'm at Simo's and listening to Salkkarit. :D It's a finnish drama show, which I'm not interested. So I'm reading pagan blogs and stuff. I really missed computer and the outfit of these blogs. They're so beautiful. One of my favourites is http://www.badwitch.co.uk/. Go and check it out, it's great.

I've been thinking about my religion and my Book of Shadow quite a lot lately. My mom doesn't accept my religion. She was angry when I left feom the church and joined some pagan events. And truly speaking, it kills me. Also everything else is a really big mess. My friends at school are avoiding me and I don't know why, but it really hurts. One of my best friends is also avoiding me, and I feel so lonely.


9.02.2013 Time 6:47:00 pm , 0 Comments


FHeyho, Justiina's here again! I'm now blogging with my new iPhone 5  because my father took my internet from my computer so... Now I have to manage with this only. Hard but maybe worth it, dunno. :D

Yesterday I was celebrating my 18th birtday with my co-workers and I can say, it was the best birtdayparty ever. Got free drinks and stuff. 

The food was great and the dessert greater.

I also found my favourite wine, it's like Crowmoor's Dry Apple cider but softer and sweeter.

7.20.2013 Time 1:00:00 pm , 0 Comments

*add random smiley here*

Hi guys! Yesterday I asked Renée's address, so I can send her a letter. I could have e-mailed to her, but I like the old-fashioned style better. It's nice to read someone's handwriting and think person really thought you while writing it. When you write a letter to someone, you try your best at making it readable and at the moment you think about receiver. It's nice to imagine other's expressions and happiness, when they get a letter which can be touched and kept hanging on the wall if it brings happiness. I want to make my letter special, not because it comes from Finland, but also because I care about Renée and our friendship. Every letter I write, I try to make special. Every letter is a gift, very ordinary, but never boring. It depends how much you spend your time and interest to it. Writing letters isn't just changing your opinions and how-you're-doings, it's art and really great hobby. I've been writing letters since I learned all alphabets, my second cousin Laura wrote letters to me and I answered to her. We wrote each other for over ten years, before we started texting and chatting in Facebook. It's sad, but fortunately I know if I want to write a letter, she's always eager to answer.

My friend Tanja is also very fond of letters. When she was au pair at Germany, I wrote her Harry Potter -themed letter and she was so glad I thought she's going to cry. :'D I almost cried when I got a letter from her. It feels good to get a letter from someone you like, not always bills or anything like that. Letters are forgotten way of express itself and communicate with a friend. Some times I almost hope that I find a guy who can write me a letter. Just to tell me what he has been doing at the cottage of his granparents. It would be sweet and cute.

7.07.2013 Time 7:03:00 pm , 0 Comments


If you want to know how the things are in my head, trust me, you don't. I'm tired, I miss our Canadians and I just want to read all the time, but I have to sell magazines and be nice for six hours a day. I'm a bit pissed off, as you can see. And I miss my best friend, though I saw him last week. But he's something keeping me alive and getting me through these days. And when I'm talking about these days, I'm meaning these days when I feel worthless because my parents are thinking I'm worthless and lazy. They're saying I'm lazy, but I'm studying and working at the same time! Are they expecting me to be some kind of super hero?! My father takes sickness holidays just because he's too lazy to do any kind of work. He doesn't do anything at home and expects me to do everything. But I'm not going to do that, because I'm frigging tired all the time! I don't have a time for social life, writing, blogging or reading. My dearest hobbies are in the ice as long as I'm working and studying.

This is why I'm so pissed off. And watching A Haunting in the middle of the night and writing my blog. I want to write my manuscripts, but I just can't concentrate. Feck. I hate this feeling. Maybe I should just go to sleep.

6.16.2013 Time 11:07:00 pm , 0 Comments

enough said

5.14.2013 Time 1:11:00 pm , 0 Comments

Friggin' long day, but also very good

At last I get some time to update things. Renée is now here, and she's sleeping (I'm glad of that, she was so tired!) and I'm watching Half-Blood Prince with my parents. She came here yesterday and I couldn't think anything but what she's going to think about my parents and home and Seinäjoki and... Oh gods, I was really nervous. But for nothing, because she seemed to like my home, parents and my dad's soup. And I haven't been worried anymore. Today we went shopping with Moira, Jenni, Aisha and Aleksi. It was really fun, we went to all shoe stores in Seinäjoki, but didn't find anything. I found, but I don't have enough money to buy them... What a shame. :'D I believe that my mom doesn't think so. We also went to the movies.

This movie was great and funny. I laughed many times! But that guy's best friend was awful, creepy little bastard. Pervert, I'd say. Simon Baker as an American guy was really awesome. I've never thought he's handsome, but now I had to make a little "wow" in my head.

Tomorrow we're going to Lankari, it's a camping place in Koura. Really beautiful place at the summer, but I don't know how muddy it is now. I've been there only once, and it was my relative's wedding. Tomorrow we're going to sauna, hole int he ice and that kind of things. It's a farewell party for the Italians, who are leaving at wednesday. Today we worked with the Italians, or at least we tried to. They didn't answer properly or not at all. They talked italian with each other and we used finnish with finns. Moira and Renée must have felt bad, because they didn't understand anyone. It wasn't fair, and I feel guilty. I just told about Wiccan religion to Mirella and her friend, I just don't remember his name. xD I read them Tarot and we talked about religion. It was great to see, that christian young people really can accept other people's religions.

I'm really tired and I really should go to sleep, but there is Harry Potter movie coming from the TV. I'm totally not going to anywhere.


4.15.2013 Time 10:04:00 pm , 0 Comments


I'm so excited, Canadians are coming in three days! Actually, my Canadian comes in three days, because people from Grand Prairie arrives at Sunday. Others are arriving in next tuesday. Can't waitttttttt

4.10.2013 Time 2:30:00 pm , 0 Comments

I hate this feeling

 these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

3.13.2013 Time 9:15:00 pm , 0 Comments

aristocatssound very good in finnish

Tomorrow is the big day, I'm heading to Canada!

I've got to wake up 4:30 AM and our bus to Helsinki leaves at 6:00 AM from my school's front yard. I'm so nervous and yet excited I'm going to throw up. Now I only read to get away from the ticking clock and waiting. I'm reading Abarat by Clive Barker now, and I'm extremely happy it's very addictive book. It was hard to stop reading and open the computer. I wanted to update my blogs, this and my finnish one, before I leave. And before going to sleep. :'D Pretty ridiculous thought that my blog could stop me from falling asleep, but that's true. Especially when I'm excited and nervous.

Right now I'm hoping everything goes well. I'm really afraid if something happens while I'm there, but I've talked about that before. But now my fears are bigger, because leaving time is so close. 8/ And I just found out Miiku doesn't play finnish baseball anymore and it was shocking news, because he was made to play it. Maybe he just wants to concentrate to school right now, he's very sensible boy who knows what's doing.

2.16.2013 Time 2:51:00 pm , 0 Comments

well, hello

I can't believe there's only four days until I'm leaving Finland behind me. I'm excited and anxious at the same time, but I hope everything goes right. Oh gods. I must wake up at five AM sunday and then I spend more than a five hours sitting in a stinky bus. But I'm used to it. And I'm taking three or four books with me and my broken iPod. And of course my cellphone. Before leaving Finland I can text with my friends. (Read: I'm going to wake them up at six and keep them up until whe reach Helsinki.)

Tomorrow is a Valentine's Day and I have to say one thing: it's the most useless day ever. Friends should be celebrated every day! If you truly love your friends, you show it to them every day. And if you're in relationship, you respect and appreciate it every day. If it isn't so, then you're straight from the ass. Simple as that.

2.13.2013 Time 11:04:00 am , 0 Comments

Good afternoon

Lauri is annoying me AGAIN. I'm glad because Teijo isn't here to help him do so. Johanna is our teacher today, and she's a very nice lady. But I'm nervous as hell. My writings aren't going very well. I'm stressed and any of my characters aren't listening to me! Mikael is really nice, but his mother is a big problem.

1.29.2013 Time 2:09:00 pm , 0 Comments


Good Morning everyone! I'm at english lesson again and at this time Teijo isn't here. He's at Sweden, and I can't keep myself from wondering how he ever gets time to do his job from all these trips he makes. In example, we are going to Canada with him in 17.2.. I'm really excited about this, I've never been at the airplane before! And my first flight is about 20 hours, so... Pretty long time to panic, right? :D I've been only at Estonia, two times, but never this far away. I mean, there's Atlantic Ocean between me and my family! What if something happens to me while I'm there or here happens something not-so-nice? It's only thing I'm worried. And of course I'm worried if I really can speak english so good that they understand me. I'm so afraid I mess things up and everyone there hates me. It makes me nervous.

And I'm tired and stressed. I think I'm going to die...

1.23.2013 Time 9:19:00 am , 0 Comments

i'm dying here

I'm at the english lesson and I want to write this argumentative essay, but writer's block is bullying me again. Because of stress, I think. I'm tired and disappointed and I just want to go home and sleep this world away. Or watch Lion King 2 again, but my tvs remote control has disappeared.

My head is going to explode. This robot thing, all assingments and my lines in drama diploma... Please just kill me.

1.21.2013 Time 9:18:00 am , 0 Comments