It's been quite long since my last post and so many things have happened. Or going to happen, almost same thing. :'D I'm going to quit my job as a telemarketer because my salary from the last month was 19,65€ and the other months haven't been well paid either. I work almost every day in a week and this month I've had more than three days over seven hours of work. And almost for nothing, because we are paid by how much we sell so... I've had three orders in a four work days and that isn't good. My friend got twenty orders in a day. In a frigging day! I don't have that much in a week. So I'm going to quit, because I don't have energy enough to work and study the same time.
I have a massive writer's block because of it. I'm too tired to create anything else than growling and swears under my breath. I have really bad nightmares and I sleep very much but it isn't deep enough. I had to buy a new pack of my sleeping pills and they cost me 13,65€! Way too much, because normal pain killers can be bought costing only 5€ and my epilepsy meds cost me only 3€ for a half of year. Well, my epilepsy and depression meds together cost as much as those sleeping pills. I just wonder how they are thinking I'm going to be a good taxpayer and worker when I can't sleep?! And when I'm trying to get help for it then it costs me almost my whole salary, so I'm just thinking what is the point here?
13,65€ for 100 pills, and the doctor said I should take two before going to bed. Even with my bad maths I can say that this pack isn't going to last long. So I'm kinda pissed off. I hope you can understand me, my fellow witches. It just annoys me. Also my phone bill was about seventy euros and I decided I'm never going to call again. The only one I'm calling is my grandmom, because she doesn't know how to read texts. And also I decided to lessen this computer using because I use my phone's internet with my computer, and it costs some extra. Making some changes, I can say.
Is there anyone else who is really excited about Samhain? It's my favourite sabbath because of darkness and in so many cultures it's celebrated. Only by name of Halloween, but I don't care. I can think that they're secretly celebrating Samhain, so there's a lot of little witches outside. :) Also it's a bit sad that in Finland kids don't go trick or treating. We do that in Easter, because we have Easter bunnies and witches and that kind of stuff. It's finnish Halloween, but not so dark. And I like the one and only Halloween because in October it's so dark you can see the stars and wonder what they are. (Being an adult sucks. I hate knowing what they are.)
In case someone hasn't noticed yet, I'm not a traditional wicca. I'm eclectic in so many ways that some other witches may call me a wannabe if they're mean enough. I don't make rituals, because I don't have my own apartment and own peace, but I do make some moments feel like rituals. When I'm walking in the woods, I touch trees and pray gods, I sing for the flowers and to the nature. It's one kind of ritual. When I'm at sauna, I salute my ancestors. Sauna is a really important part of finnish lifestyle, has been for centuries. So there I also sing and pray, and it feels like they salute me too. Sauna is also a place for meditating. I love sauna and there I can really find peace and spells made there work the best, I don't know why.
I'm eclectic also by how I see gods. There's wiccan gods and Creator, who made everything. I believe in them, but also Odin and Frigga with their family hold a very dear place in my heart. So scandinavian, norwegian, gods are also my gods. And then there's Aslan. Many are really surprised when I tell them I really believe Aslan and Narnia exists. Aslan also brings seasons to Earth, he works together with Mother Earth. Sounds weird and complicated, I know. Trust me, I've tried to manage things, I've tried to lessen all these gods, but I just can't. They are part of my life and it's not actually my choice. A part of me thinks that it is my choice to choose my gods, but this experience has taught me that it isn't. As long as you seek your gods, it is your choice, but when you find the right ones... Then something just clicks and you notice that they really don't listen to you if you want them to go away. They're there, because they know they can help my soul. It's touching.
I have my Book of Shadows, though it's only a fancy notebook, but when I saw it at the store I knew it had to be my first BoS. I wasn't even looking for a Book of Shadows, I was going to buy a new pencil. I bought the pencil and the notebook. x) Since then, I've collected there a knowledge about candles and rituals and all the things I see important. There's spells I've written by myself and there's spells that I've found. Of course I've always asked for a permission to use them, but so many spells I've found in finnish folklore, Kalevala. Finnish people believed it before the Bible, and sometimes I hope they still believed it. It would be so much easier than these arguments if homosexuality is a sin or not. (Honestly, I think that people are stupid if they think someone like God would hate someone who's gay. Their God loves everybody, so hello! They just aren't listening themselves if they talk about how God created you the way you are and in the same breath tell you that is wrong to love someone who's the same sex as you.)
Actually, I think I should make own post to my opinion of homosexuality and how it is portrayed in all these "religious" people. I'm religious and still not judging anyone! (Except murderers and rapers, but I think that's ok.)
And last, but not the worst, THANK ODIN IT'S FREYA'S DAY!