I've been getting weird book ideas lately. Latest one is Jumalapeli (God game in English), but I don't know if I am ever going to publish it. It's going to be a fantasy mixed with religious influences. I like the idea, I like almost all of my ideas, but I have plenty of them and so little time. I'm going to make more time for witchcraft and writing when my summer job (and upper secondary school) ends in 30.5.. I've decided that during the summer I'm going to finish first drafts from two books. I don't decide which ones because then I won't write anything, but when the first snow comes I will have to completed books. Editing will be exciting and new for me, but I don't care actually. I can imagine how good I will feel when I get first drafts done.
Another thing that has happened lately is that evil eye has came to Seinäjoki. Almost five months ago the boy I knew killed himself and from that day, the amount of homicides and accidents have increased almost like an explosion. I have my suspicions about one person, who first arrived here five months ago. At first I thought I was just being paranoid and afraid that I'm becoming insane. In a WhatsApp group I asked if anyone has noticed how these things has been happening almost weekly. So many people have died. Last night I prayed for protection for the whole county. I wish I'm just being paranoid, but I guess I'm not because everyone else are noticing it.
I'm worried but I'm going to find out if I'm right. I hope I'm not.
I'm so awful person. Last time I wrote was four months ago. I've been trying to figure out nice posts, but my creativity has died. Or so it feels.
Today I'm having a Canadian coming over again. I'm so excited, I get to speak English again! I've been looking back to my trip to Canada and having our Canadians here. It's been two years! TWO. Time has passed faster than I thought it would. The week I was in Canada was the best week of my life and I've been stressing about this new Canadian, because I don't know if I can give her same kind of experience. I'm not very social though yesterday I had fun with my Rainbow Support Group. ueers everywhere and stuff. Transgenders too, of course. You get the picture. We had fun, we went to the wicket (? I don't know if it's the right word) and grilled sausages. After that we went to the Bar Nostalgia. Karaoke and Crowmoor.
But back to the Canadian.
I don't know her at all. I don't know what kind of things she likes. I'm so screwed! Oh gods, I wish I knew more than a name. What if she hates witches? What if she's rich and doesn't like my almost poor family? What if she hates fat people? WHAT IF SHE HATES ME?! I hope I'm good enough. I hope she likes it here. What if she hates books? My living room is full of books! I'm walking example of an introvert book nerd.
At the same time I'm afraid that she is just like me. What if she is more talented witch than me and she just laughs at me? Or we are both beginners and we don't have anything to discuss or she is more beginner than me and expects me to teach something to her? I CAN'T TEACH ANYONE ANYTHING. Except little facts about Harry Potter. Oh gods. I don't know anything about anything.
Maybe I should just go and throw up.
I don't know if I can do this.
I'm such a loser.